Wrapped up in a new lifestyle

I decided I had to end my marriage. That was a decision that took heartache, tears, and years to come to.

Prior posts on this blog share many of the reasons. Simply put, it boiled down to being married to an isolated alcoholic who had been emotionally neglectful and abusive. Our relationship had completely deteriorated. I emotionally detached, and I felt the need to make a better life for myself and my daughter.

She and I have been on our own for 16 months. What does our new lifestyle look like?

We have less stress and anxiety, which increases happiness. We have more chores to split, which is tiring. We have made new friends, ones that love us as we are. We have less contact with his family, which is sad. We have turned some good friends into “family.”

I have had the time to explore more of myself and my shortcomings and find ways to heal. Healing is good for the soul.

I’ve been able to start dating. It’s nice to be complimented….that was foreign. It’s nice to have stimulating conversation…that had disappeared. It’s refreshing to have someone put my needs ahead of his….wow. And it’s nice to hear “I’m sorry” if something goes wrong….another thing I’m not used to. It’s refreshing to date someone who inspires me.

I do less with some groups and clubs than I used to. I can’t really explain why, other than that I spent a lot of time doing things simply to be outside of the house when I was married. Now I enjoy being home. Also, I don’t want to be asked questions. It’s easier to avoid some of the curious, nosy, gossipy people.

The people who understand my decision and support me have been a blessing. They may not know it, but their hugs, smiles, or texts sometimes turn an awful day into a good one.

Some people don’t understand my decision. While I certainly don’t need approval, it hurts my core that some of my closest family members are unintentionally obvious about their lack of approval. One particular person recently said about me that “I am so wrapped up in my new lifestyle that I don’t have time for anything that isn’t a part of it.” I have no idea what that means, but it certainly sounds like it comes from anger, resent, or hurt. I don’t know why.

My new lifestyle allows me more freedom. I’m able to open my doors to friends and family to visit anytime they want, or even use my house as a retreat. I’m able to slow down my pace and appreciate my blessings. God’s artwork is appreciated and his presence in my life is invigorated. And, I’ve been lucky enough to be able to support other people who have been in similar circumstances.

I like my new “lifestyle.” Not sure what’s bad about it.

Am I healed?

When I first started this blog, it seemed as though I had an infinite supply of topics, happenings, stories, etc., related to my marriage and divorce with an alcoholic.

Topics would pop into my head, and I would sit down and quickly produce a decent post.  Those urges come to me much less frequently now..  At first I blamed it on my mood.  Then I blamed it on the weather…then on being too busy.  Then I read a morning reflection, like I do every morning, and God spoke through it to me.  “You’re healed.”

Could it be that my words came easily through the pain?  Could it be that the lessons I learned needed to be shared while I was still learning them?  Did I help anybody else, or did I just help myself?  Perhaps this blog was just what I needed to do to heal me, and now…… I’m good:-).  Should I stop writing?

I know my one post (about parking in the garage) had weighed heavily on my mind for several weeks before I wrote it.  Once I did, a burden lifted.

I definitely needed to get stuff off of my chest (in a confidential way).  In my mind, I figured there would be other people out there in the “reading universe” that could benefit from my experiences, even if it was just to know that they weren’t the only ones going through something similar.  But I wasn’t sure.

Then, I posted a quote on my Instagram that made a difference.  It simply said:

When she brings it up once, you say she’s complaining.  When she brings it up twice, you say she is nagging.  When she cries about it, you say she is being too sensitive.   My good friend, let me ask you this:  when she leaves you, what will she be then?

It got 10 times more likes than what my IG posts usually get.  So, apparently, I hit the magic button of something that appealed to others.  So maybe there is a reason to write.

A reflection I read this morning suggested to readers that we can’t look for results in good deeds that we do.  Instead, we should just keep doing good deeds knowing that it’s the right thing to do.

For now, I will write when the mood strikes, not for myself, since I’m “healed” LOL, but for potentially one person who may catch a moment of peace, love, or support from my words.  And, I’m certain I will continue to heal:-)