Despite the tough road….the uphill climb with lots of thorn bushes along the way, I am grateful. Our culture tends to hear the D word (divorce) and instantly think “that’s so sad.” While I never wanted my marriage to end, it is simply a life event. Nobody died. Actually, we are finding ways to live in a happier way, and for that, I am grateful.
My ex husband didn’t want the divorce. He begged and pleaded, and faced many depressed and horribly stressful days. Even with that, it did not take him to a low enough point to stop drinking for himself. I am grateful that he made it through the storm of depression. He continues to be a high functioning alcoholic that wants to quit but doesn’t need to badly enough.
More than anything, I am grateful for how my daughter has blossomed. Even though we moved and she started a new school, she is happier and healthier than ever. She has regular visitation with her dad, and she lives with me. She resides in a home with no underlying stress, concern, or worry. She doesn’t walk on egg shells. She is free to express her emotions, including crying when she needs to. She used to have a tremendous amount of anxiety, and that has reduced significantly. Thank you God. This is even more than I hoped for in my decision to end the marriage.
God blessed me with the ability to let go of resentment, and the friends in Al-Anon are great at reminding me how important that is. I am so fortunate not to have lingering hatred in my heart for my ex husband. While I still dislike his selfishness, isolation, and immaturity, I can rationalize that as part of the disease. Being able to do that, and not relive awful moments of the past gives me so much freedom. I’m happy. I don’t think I could be happy if God hadn’t let me release resentment. In addition, I don’t think I could be a good parent to my daughter if I was still carrying anger for her father and my “prior life.” Thank you God!
I don’t have any sisters by blood, but I have a blessed circle of beautiful women that feel like my sisters. They have supported me, maintained my confidentiality, listened when I needed to talk, and helped me establish a new home. I know that they love me and wish only the best for me. There is no doubt that we will grow closer as we age. Thank you God!
My family has been all that I could hope for and more, including my ex’s parents. I’m so fortunate. They don’t ask questions, but they listen when I need to talk. They challenge my thoughts, and I need that!
It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. If the above paragraphs make it sound that way, I didn’t mean it. But I do like to focus on the positives. God “winks” at me every so often and lets me know if the path I am on is still going in the right direction. Sometimes I stray, and I get a swift mental kick from an Al-Anon reflection I read, or from a person saying something that feels like it comes from God through them.
There is like after divorce from an alcoholic. It’s a good life.